Most of my posts on this blog are a means to capture a fraction of the joy and wonder of watching my girls grow up. This one is a bit different. It's more about healing, reminding the girls that we are all sad at times and fearful of what the future may bring, and about how I struggled with losing my mom.
I was looking for a picture of me and Mom to put on facebook, and I came across these pictures of her and Amelia from the holidays. I love how their expressions sort of track each others'.
Mom had surgery on her broken ankle on Monday and seeing her so confused when out of her regular environment was painful. I knew the past holidays were likely the last she would spend at my house. And while I understood it intellectually, I longed to have here her for the girls' birthdays and was thinking that maybe, just maybe, she'd have a few good months and be able to come over next Thanksgiving and Christmas. But seeing her completely confused while at the hospital quickly made my selfish wishes vanish. I still want her here, but I hated seeing her so lost. There is no denying it, I have to make it a point to see her in her environment . . . and now, while she still knows who I am.
Then she had to go and say "make sure they remember me," after talking to the girls tonight. Sigh . . . I'll make sure they remember you, Mom . . . may Alzheimer's just give you a few more years to remember us.
When I would go to the nursing home to see my Grandma Kaestner, the aides would all comment on how much I looked like her - to the point of stopping me and having another one guess who I was related to. "the twinkly eyes...the cheeks?" And then one of them said to Grandma, with great affection, "As long as this one is here, you'll never be gone." Well look at Amelia and your Mom. As long as Amelia is here.....
Posted by: Mom | May 05, 2011 at 10:22 PM
The feisty spirit, the ornery yet sweet disposition . . . yes, as long as Amelia is here, my mom will never be gone. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Nikki | May 06, 2011 at 12:19 AM